Storming the Castle

It is so hard right now not to feel like the world is against me.  My parents personalities have disappeared. No one in my family is talking to me. Now rumors are being spread around the church  about me. I am having such a hard time trying to keep a positive attitude.
 My heart is broken,  and I feel as though I have been stabbed in the back by someone who I have tried so hard to consider a friend. But that in and of it's self has been a disaster. She has lied to me, manipulated me and lied about me to other people. I try and forgive her. Over and over and over. But it seems like a pointless and never ending occurrence. It does not feel like she is going to change.  I try and release all this pain that has built up from her and then more builds up. It's not like I can just pretend she does not exist because she is someone I see regularly.  I can not just ignore her or be deliberately mean to her because that is not who I am.
  I do not see how people who behave like her can sit there and say "I have a relationship with Christ." or "Yes, I am a Christian."  I have personally seen very little in her life that says to me that she is a believer. I have seen even less in her husband's life that would indicate that he has a relationship with Christ. How can you live with yourself? 
  If I make one single comment that is rude or nasty I end up being wracked with guilt until I apologize and am forgiven.
 Now I am allowing this individual, this person who is in the grand scheme of things no one of influence to me, to have control over my feelings! Well, that ends now.  I am taking that back. I will not care what she thinks of me. I will not care what her husband thinks of me. Who are they to judge me with the wooden planks protruding from their own eye? I know I have my planks. We all do.  This verse is one of my greatest convictions lately.

Matthew 7:3-5
 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.

However I am not going to sit here and allow their judgement and assumptions of a petty situation get me down.  My pastor's wife told me this past Sunday as I was trying not to sob into her arms, that I am a daughter of this (my church) church body. She reminded me that God loves me. She reminded me that she loved me. (she's known me for 20 some odd years) then she hugged me again.
  I am not going to allow myself to be taken in. I am a Beloved daughter of Christ. I have a husband who loves me, cherishes me and supports me. I have 3 beautiful children with him and I don't need anything else.
 This woman has made it clear that she is not honestly my friend. If she were then she would have respected me enough to discuss it with me before she took it to leadership. I will forgive her but at this point in time there will be no fellowship in friendship.
 
                                      Thae