Bolstering The Tower

  Today has played out interestingly. This morning was going well the kids were playing nicely together, I was tired but getting things accomplished. And then the phone rang. Ominous right? Yeah. It was my dad. I let it go to voicemail but he had apparently knocked on the door and I had not heard him and he wanted to let me know that he left a bag of gifts for the kids. I called him back and told him we were home. So he came back. Yeah not the smartest move on my part. I found myself weak knowing my dad was close and I suddenly missed him so much.
 He spent about an hour talking to me and playing with the kids. It was nice. We didn't talk about my mother or my mommy replacement. He asked about my husband and my kids and myself. I was overwhelmed, it was so hard not to burst into tears every 5 seconds. My children were overjoyed to see him. They had missed him so much as well. Although I dread to see the outcome of my decision to let my dad into my house. I have no clue how this is going to impact my children or myself for that matter.
  My husband is displeased. I am displeased with myself. I know my husband doesn't want there to be contact with my family while they are not walking with God. When it comes right down to it I completely agree. This week has been so wretched I could not say no to seeing my father. It hurt to think about it, knowing he was so close. I try so hard to submit to my husband, knowing I failed in this area hurts a lot.  In addition to allowing my dad into my house I lied to my husband about how he came to be there. I immediately told my husband the truth. Unfortunately the damage was done.
  After my dad left I put the baby down for her nap, put a movie on for the older kids and went and took a hot shower, then a nice smelling bath. I was trying so hard to calm down. I could not stop sobbing after I had talked to my husband. . I am calm now, but it took a while to get there.  My husband had to talk me down, remind me that he loved me and forgave me. It was challenging for him I am sure.
 If no other good thing came out of the encounter with my dad than this one thing I can deal with it. Spending the time with my dad reminded me that even though I was hurt and angry with his actions I still love him. In this moment I feel as though I have honestly forgiven him for leaving my mother for another woman, and for leaving me behind. I am not saying I approve or accept him leaving or his woman as OK or right, because I don't. However at this moment I feel no hatred or bitterness residing within me toward my dad. I love him and I will pray that he is restored in full. I will also pray that this feeling I have toward my dad in this moment does not go away.
  All in all I feel as though something has changed for me today. I am thankful for that. While I know that the road that lies ahead is long, bumpy, curvy and filled with obstacles I feel that as long as I have my Jesus my husband and my kids by my side I can reach the end and the prize. I must remember to be patient. I must remember to stand by my husband and support him regardless how much it hurts in the moment and I MUST remember that the world is not against me the devil is. I have people who love me, including my parents.

 I can do everything through him who gives me strength.  Phl 4:13

The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him, my father's God, and I will exalt him.   Exd 15:2

 You armed me with strength for battle; you made my adversaries bow at my feet.  You made my enemies turn their backs in flight, and I destroyed my foes.  Psa 18:39 - 40

 Praise be to the Lord, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.  The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one. Save your people and bless your inheritance; be their shepherd and carry them forever.  Psa 28:6-9

                                                        Thae